The No Kool Aid Zone

Archive for the ‘You Can't Make This Stuff Up’ Category

As if “Animal Rights” Weren’t Enough…

when old coots should be in bed

To think, it wasn’t that long ago that I joked, when hearing about the silliness of “animal rights”, that one day some nutjob would argue for “plants rights”. Now, many people think animals actually have “rights” (they do not, and indeed cannot), and the day may be coming when people think the same for petunias. Hmmm…no more walking on the grass??? And for goodness’ sake, please don’t eat the daisies!

The Love of a Father

when old coots should be in bed

My own dad sent this to me awhile back in an email, and I thought I’d post it.

A son asked his father, ‘Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?’. The father, despite having a heart condition, says ‘Yes’. They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying ‘Yes’ to his son’s request of going through the race together.

One day, the son asked his father, ‘Dad, let’s join the Ironman together.’ To which, his father said ‘Yes’ too. For those who don’t know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever. The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile (3.86 kilometer) ocean swim, followed by a 112 mile (180.2 kilometer) bike ride, and ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195 kilometer) marathon along the coast of the Big Island . Father and son went on to complete the race together.

Now, watch the video–and keep a handkerchief handy:

And here’s more of their story…

Life is a gift, whether the “quality” of that life meets the standards of some people or not.

Obama’s Christianity: “Faith Fit for our Age”

when old coots should be in bed

5000 or more miles after I was warned that the Toyota needed new tires, I decided the other day to take her in to Sam’s Club and get, as my Nascar fan friends might call ‘em, four brand new Mr. Feel-Goods. This procedure would take about an hour, I was told, leaving me with some time to kill at Sam’s. What to do, what to do. I decided to redeem the time (well, after wasting a little of it, admittedly), and so I sauntered over to the book section, where I was confronted with a book by the name of The Faith of Barack Obama, written by Stephen Mansfield and published, unfortunately, by Thomas Nelson Publishers (perhaps you’ll get the “unfortunately” after reading this post, Nelson being known, at least loosely, as an “evangelical” publisher). Knowing I couldn’t polish off the whole thing in the time allotted, I perused the chapters a bit before settling on Chapter 3, entitled “Faith Fit for our Age”. This is, apparently, the “money chapter” of the book, where we are introduced to the substance of Barack Obama’s “Christian” faith.

You’ll note the quote-marks around the word “Christian”.

To the author’s credit, he tags the chapter well: “Faith Fit for our Age”. Unfortunately, the faith of Barack Obama, as described by the author, is not what most evangelicals–wait, hold that…what most historic evangelicals…would describe as “Christian”. Without giving away the whole thing–I’d encourage you to read it for yourself if you wonder what the man believes–there are several things I’d point to. One, Barack Obama is a universalist. Two, he has, at best, a poor view of Scripture, evidenced by his dismissal of Romans 1 in favor of his (mis)reading of Jesus’ “red-letter” words (”Lord, deliver us from ‘red-letter Christians’”). Three, the author majors on the honest doubts that Obama has, which might not be a problem in one sense; I think that there are some of us who come off too cocksure on some of the finer points of theology. Problem is, the theme of “doubt” seems to occupy Obama’s beliefs more than faith in the finished work of Christ. The reader is left somewhat befuddled as to what Obama actually believes (granted, there are fleeting references to placing faith in Christ, but precious little by way of explanation as to what, for Obama, that term might exactly mean).

One thing which is clear, though, if this book is accurate: Obama’s faith is massively influenced by the spirit of the age in which we live, as though his entire take on Scripture and faith is funneled through the grid of his (hyper-liberal secular) worldview, instead of the events/issues of the world being funneled through a Christian worldview. Now in one sense, I recognize that Obama is, in this regard, not unlike a whole lot of professing Christians, including some who’d label themselves “evangelicals” (if we water down the term far enough). But to the author–and apparently, to Thomas Nelson–this is not a problem, but rather only that which is “fit for our age”.

A far cry, it seems to me, from “the faith once delivered…”

Psychic Sasquatch: You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

when old coots should be in bed

Michael Medved provided some great entertainment for Crazy Teenager and me last week as we drove down the road together. He was interviewing a gentleman named Kewaunee Jack Lapseritis (highly contagious, that Lapseritis!). Ole Kewaunee Jack has written a…ummm…wonderful?…book named The Psychic Sasquatch. O…K!

Kewaunee Jack Lapseritis Here’s a page of excerpts from what Kewaunee Jack has to say, and here are some excerpts from the, uh, excerpt page. Enjoy!

Though this particular subject may open Pandora’s box, I feel it only fair to relate what the Bigfoot creatures told me and others about humanity’s genesis. The Sasquatch people told four separate witnesses that their ancestors were brought here by more advanced beings millions of years ago on spaceships during the age of the dinosaurs. They also claimed that their people lived through the Ice Age and a gigantic world flood…….

Ed. Note: You know, you’ve got to admire Kewaunee Jack’s basic fairness…

………Sasquatch told six percipients that they periodically enter a portal, a vortex leading to another dimension, where there are plants, animals and people living their lives. There are vortices in outer space as well as on Earth, they said. Millions of years ago it took the Starpeople approximately ten years Earth time to traverse time and space by entering a series of vortices that allowed them to “dimension-hop” and reach other planets in the vastness of space in a relatively short period of time. Today, since more vortices have been discovered and the synchronicity of their opening is better known, spaceships (UFOs) are able to travel between Earth and their home planet in some cases, within an hour’s time! This is what the Sasquatch shared. Since some race of Starpeople had to discover this first, it is remotely possible that Earth was being visited as far back as one billion years ago…….

Ed. Note: The Starpeople toured briefly with Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young in the early 70s (I think…or was it Mott the Hoople?).

Whenever glowing red eyes are reported from a Sasquatch sighting it means the man-creature feels threatened and is preparing to dematerialize if it becomes necessary. At times only two red eyes are seen by a witness, with no visible body. Here they are literally between dimensions, protecting their physical bodies while still playing peek-a-boo from the safety of that para-physical zone.

Ed. Note: So that’s what I’ve been seeing!

Levitation is another anomaly that has been reported. Two Oregon loggers in a truck going 35 miles per hour chased a ten-foot Sasquatch, and it left them behind. When the creature came to a sharp bend in the road where a dangerous cliff existed, without hesitation it leaped into the air, falling out of sight. With flashlights in hand, the men shone their beam into the rocks below, expecting to see a dead Sasquatch. To their amazement, there was nothing! No corpse or any sign of the creature was found. Did Bigfoot levitate to protect itself, or did it blip into the safety of another dimension to avoid smashing into the rocks below?

Ed. Note: Forerunners of the Flying Nun?

In 1985, I was told by a Sasquatch that they consider themselves the first “people” to populate this planet and that they were brought here millions of years ago by their -friends, the Starpeople. He said there were “no humans on Earth except themselves. There were bipedal human-types that the Bigfoot considered “animals” because the creatures were so unevolved that they had not yet discovered fire. The Sasquatch said that they eventually taught these primitive Earth hominoids how to use fire. Could they be speaking of Homo erectus? There is no evidence that Australopithecus had that ability; Homo erectus was the first. Interestingly, Gigantopithecus and Homo erectus lived in an overlapping time frame of existence as well as in the same geographic region-China.

Ed. Note: You know what’s coming next, don’t you? “(AP) Psychic Sasquatches claim that they are the first people to populate the planet, and they’ve lined up attorneys to press their claims in federal court.” With our court system the way it is today, would you bet against them?

When I asked a Bigfoot, “what about Adam and Eve?” he replied, “I don’t know anything about Adam and Eve. If you want to know about them, you’ll have to wait and ask our friends the Starpeople, because they are the ones who brought them.” This was shocking to me indeed. He went on to say that we hairless humans were seeded later, each race being released on a continent best suited for its survival. This includes Homo Neanderthals and Cro-Magnon.

Ed. Note: “In the beginning were the Starpeople, and the Starpeople…”

“Does that mean you are the missing link?” I asked.

“No, you people are the missing link. You don’t know where you’ve come from or where you’re going!” he retorted with a chuckle…….

Ed. Note: What a jokester, that psychic Sasquatch. I suppose that runs counter to the Jack Links Beef Jerky commercials (”Messin’ with Sasquatch”) that portray the Big Fella as being humorless, huh?

One can only hope that Kewaunee Jack is writing the screenplay for this even as we speak…