For ME??? Ah, Ya Shouldn’t Have
March 11, 2010
My little buddy Don, over at The Salty Peanut Gallery, dedicated a video to me in honor of my landing the role of Harold Hill in the Music Man. It’s so…special…that I had to put it up here. Watch for when he goes falsetto (1:26) and when he starts sing-chuckling (1:54). The effect of this is of a guy singing an entire song without remembering any of the words. It’s a true…spectacle.
I am honored, I am thrilled, I am…flabbergasted. Words fail me…
Dog’s Diary, Cat’s Diary
March 2, 2010
The Dog’s Diary
8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
The Cat’s Diary
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Contemptible wretches!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now …
Stay True to Who You Are, Pastor
February 23, 2010
Said other ways:
Don’t copy someone else.
Don’t try to imitate others.
Let God’s unique creation of you govern how you minister. Or…
About Chuck Norris–and Then, an Experiment
February 2, 2010
Some random facts about Chuck Norris:
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully-loaded gun–and won.
In an average living room, there are 1242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you–including the room itself.
When Chuck Norris falls into water, he doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
There are two kinds of animals: those who have gone extinct, and those Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris has slammed 44 revolving doors. Today.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. Yesterday.
Only one hand can beat a Royal Flush: Chuck Norris’.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare can liquefy your kidneys.
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water–AND make it drink.
Why is Waldo hiding? Two words: Chuck Norris.
Why doesn’t Chuck Norris wear a watch? Because Chuck Norris will decide what time it is.
Now, go to Google. Type in “Where is Chuck Norris”. Then hit “I’m Feeling Lucky”.
A Moment of Mourning, Y’all
January 21, 2010
I’m sorry, were they still operating? On what, 11 channels with 138 listeners total or something?
And the amazing thing is, liberals won’t learn from this (witness the blame-shifting in the article; it’s “the economy”…snicker, snicker); they are so out-of-touch and tone-deaf to the American public that they won’t realize what should be obvious: liberal programming doesn’t work because people instinctively know a good, logical argument based on reason when they see one–and “arguments” based on mushy feelings, ad hominem attacks, and name-calling get old real fast.
Marriage in the 21st Century?
December 21, 2009
Proof that one can take the whole Facebook thing a little too far:
Here’s hoping he didn’t Twitter the honeymoon…
Rich Daddy God: THIS is Side-Splittingly Funny
December 21, 2009
Tim Challies reports that he and friends tried to play Joel Osteen’s Your Best Life Now, the Board Game…you know, you just can’t make this stuff up…and after finding it hilariously unplayable, was sent another board game–and that, my friends, is what will crack you up.
By the way, in the same vein, if you’ve never been to Engrish, you owe it to yourself to go and get a laugh (warning: occasionally, the “Engrish” can be a little bit “adult” in the wording).
This phrase comes from the 1978 "Jonestown massacre" in which most members of the Peoples Temple cult, blindly following their leader Jim Jones, committed suicide by drinking cyanide-laced Kool-Aid.
Osborne: A Contrarian's Guide to Knowing God
Schlossberg: Idols For Destruction
