What to Do with Dead Horses
March 31, 2008
This from the Church Leaders Intelligence Report (and please, no cracks about that being an oxymoron):
The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians says when you discover you’re riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in professional ministry, because of the relationships and emotional attachments involved, other strategies are often tried with dead horses, including:
* Buying a stronger whip.
* Changing riders.
* Threatening the horse with termination.
* Appointing a committee to study the horse.
* Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
* Reclassifying the dead horse as “living-impaired.”
* Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
* Doing a time management study to see if lighter riders would improve productivity.
* Declaring a dead horse has lower overhead and therefore performs better.
* Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.
Mea Culpa! Video Proof that Mrs. Bill Was in Grave Danger!
March 28, 2008
“Grave danger, sir?”
“Is there any other kind?”
Psychic Sasquatch: You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
March 27, 2008
Michael Medved provided some great entertainment for Crazy Teenager and me last week as we drove down the road together. He was interviewing a gentleman named Kewaunee Jack Lapseritis (highly contagious, that Lapseritis!). Ole Kewaunee Jack has written a…ummm…wonderful?…book named The Psychic Sasquatch. O…K!
Here’s a page of excerpts from what Kewaunee Jack has to say, and here are some excerpts from the, uh, excerpt page. Enjoy!
Though this particular subject may open Pandora’s box, I feel it only fair to relate what the Bigfoot creatures told me and others about humanity’s genesis. The Sasquatch people told four separate witnesses that their ancestors were brought here by more advanced beings millions of years ago on spaceships during the age of the dinosaurs. They also claimed that their people lived through the Ice Age and a gigantic world flood…….
Ed. Note: You know, you’ve got to admire Kewaunee Jack’s basic fairness…
………Sasquatch told six percipients that they periodically enter a portal, a vortex leading to another dimension, where there are plants, animals and people living their lives. There are vortices in outer space as well as on Earth, they said. Millions of years ago it took the Starpeople approximately ten years Earth time to traverse time and space by entering a series of vortices that allowed them to “dimension-hop” and reach other planets in the vastness of space in a relatively short period of time. Today, since more vortices have been discovered and the synchronicity of their opening is better known, spaceships (UFOs) are able to travel between Earth and their home planet in some cases, within an hour’s time! This is what the Sasquatch shared. Since some race of Starpeople had to discover this first, it is remotely possible that Earth was being visited as far back as one billion years ago…….
Ed. Note: The Starpeople toured briefly with Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young in the early 70s (I think…or was it Mott the Hoople?).
Whenever glowing red eyes are reported from a Sasquatch sighting it means the man-creature feels threatened and is preparing to dematerialize if it becomes necessary. At times only two red eyes are seen by a witness, with no visible body. Here they are literally between dimensions, protecting their physical bodies while still playing peek-a-boo from the safety of that para-physical zone.
Ed. Note: So that’s what I’ve been seeing!
Levitation is another anomaly that has been reported. Two Oregon loggers in a truck going 35 miles per hour chased a ten-foot Sasquatch, and it left them behind. When the creature came to a sharp bend in the road where a dangerous cliff existed, without hesitation it leaped into the air, falling out of sight. With flashlights in hand, the men shone their beam into the rocks below, expecting to see a dead Sasquatch. To their amazement, there was nothing! No corpse or any sign of the creature was found. Did Bigfoot levitate to protect itself, or did it blip into the safety of another dimension to avoid smashing into the rocks below?
Ed. Note: Forerunners of the Flying Nun?
In 1985, I was told by a Sasquatch that they consider themselves the first “people” to populate this planet and that they were brought here millions of years ago by their -friends, the Starpeople. He said there were “no humans on Earth except themselves. There were bipedal human-types that the Bigfoot considered “animals” because the creatures were so unevolved that they had not yet discovered fire. The Sasquatch said that they eventually taught these primitive Earth hominoids how to use fire. Could they be speaking of Homo erectus? There is no evidence that Australopithecus had that ability; Homo erectus was the first. Interestingly, Gigantopithecus and Homo erectus lived in an overlapping time frame of existence as well as in the same geographic region-China.
Ed. Note: You know what’s coming next, don’t you? “(AP) Psychic Sasquatches claim that they are the first people to populate the planet, and they’ve lined up attorneys to press their claims in federal court.” With our court system the way it is today, would you bet against them?
When I asked a Bigfoot, “what about Adam and Eve?” he replied, “I don’t know anything about Adam and Eve. If you want to know about them, you’ll have to wait and ask our friends the Starpeople, because they are the ones who brought them.” This was shocking to me indeed. He went on to say that we hairless humans were seeded later, each race being released on a continent best suited for its survival. This includes Homo Neanderthals and Cro-Magnon.
Ed. Note: “In the beginning were the Starpeople, and the Starpeople…”
“Does that mean you are the missing link?” I asked.
“No, you people are the missing link. You don’t know where you’ve come from or where you’re going!” he retorted with a chuckle…….
Ed. Note: What a jokester, that psychic Sasquatch. I suppose that runs counter to the Jack Links Beef Jerky commercials (“Messin’ with Sasquatch”) that portray the Big Fella as being humorless, huh?
One can only hope that Kewaunee Jack is writing the screenplay for this even as we speak…
The Real Problem with Jeremiah Wright…and Why Joel Osteen is Worse
March 27, 2008
The problem with Jeremiah Wright is much deeper than we’ve been led to believe. Russell Moore explains why:
Why You Shouldn’t Worry About Jeremiah Wright, and Why You Should
Excerpts:
Jeremiah Wright’s name is Legion, and one is just as likely to hear his kind of preaching in a white congregation as in a black church…this is not the Gospel as proclaimed by the prophets and apostles, a Gospel that centers on Jesus Christ and Him alone. We should be outraged by the clips of the Wright sermons. But we should be outraged first as Christians, not first as Americans. The most egregious aspect of the Wright sermons is not what he is saying about America, but what he is not saying about the Gospel.
Liberation theology is seeker sensitive. The first waves of this movement, in Latin America, were designed to make Christianity appealing to the people by addressing their felt needs, the desire for armed revolution and Marxist economics. Liberation theology only works if one can connect with real or perceived oppression and then make the Scripture illustrative of how to navigate out of that situation. The Kingdom of God is a means to a social, economic, or political end.
Barack Obama: Just Another Politician…
March 27, 2008
Where have we heard this before?
Obama Pitches Strict Regulations, Clinton Stresses Job Training in Dueling Economic Plans
Oh, that’s right, practically every other Democrat politician for the past half-century. And some misguided Republicans as well. More government involvement/intrusion/regulation/squelching of freedom. Hey, that’s revolutionary and “progressive”, isn’t it?
Mrs. Bill, for her part, suggested a massive government program. Nice. Original.
Yeah, the more you listen to something deeper than “change!” “Hope!” “Hopeful change”, the more you come to realize that for all his charm, eloquence, good lucks, and youthful vigor, Barack Obama is just another politician.
Whatever the “Religious Right” Means, I Hope They Listen to This…
March 27, 2008
Bravo to Joe Carter for this excellent post:
An Open Letter to the Religious Right
I don’t know if I qualify as a member of the “Religious Right”; for instance, I disagree with Joe about prayer in schools (a “Religious Right” shibboleth), and I disagree with most Americans on the wisdom of fighting the “Drug War” (I find little), and I agreed with “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” from Day One. Then again, some of the standard RR stuff (pro-life, pro-real marriage, etc.) are on my list. But regardless of my own position vis a vis the RR, most of what Joe says is dead-on. I was going to pick out one or two of his points to highlight particularly, but as I read the post, with the exception of the first sentence of Point One, I think I agree with every word, and there are so many things worthy of considering that it’s hard to pick one. I know…I’ll summarize!!!
One — (Relative to the appropriate place for such things as school prayer and 10 Commandments displays) Perhaps we should rethink our priorities and put the first things first.
Two – Being Right doesn’t mean we are always right. I know we claim we understand that but it would probably help if we acted like we believed it as well.
Three — We have ideological enemies (such as Islamo-fascists) and we ideological opponents (such as secular liberals). That’s a crucial distinction that we should always keep in mind.
Mrs. Bill Acting “Clintonesque”? Say it Ain’t So!!!
March 26, 2008
Wow, who’da thunk it? Mrs. Bill caught fabricating some of the details about a visit to Bosnia? Where in the world would she get the idea to do that??? Isn’t that just astonishing to you?
Or not…
Wonder if she enjoyed the Sheryl Crow concert, or the Sinbad routine, or shaking hands in broad daylight on the tarmac with the 8-year-old little girl, what with all those bullets flying around…
I gotta tell you though, I’m loving this: the Dems are in full-scale war against each other, and the more they fight/lie/defame/find their ecclesiastical affiliations coming back to haunt them, the more presidential John McCain looks. And the more likely it gets that
It’s especially fun to note that fully 28% of Mrs. Bill’s supporters plan to back McCain over Barack the Wonder Boy, and 19% of his supporters would vote McCain over Mrs. Bill. Hopefully, that’d be enough to offset the people like James Dobson who are irresponsibly abdicating their responsibilities as citizens.
This phrase comes from the 1978 "Jonestown massacre" in which most members of the Peoples Temple cult, blindly following their leader Jim Jones, committed suicide by drinking cyanide-laced Kool-Aid.
Osborne: A Contrarian's Guide to Knowing God
Schlossberg: Idols For Destruction
