Oh, wait…slap me on the wrist! Surely somehow, somewhere I offended someone. We can’t have that, now, we’re in America, and we don’t offend people here!

So for goodness sakes, stop trying to hold people accountable for breaking the law! Don’t arrest anyone! If you see a person breaking into your car or home, don’t just call the police–make sure that they’re not an immigrant so you don’t hurt their delicate feelings!

*Voice dripping with sarcasm*

Okay, Mel’s done now.