The No Kool Aid Zone

Fantasy Obsession

Posted by Byron August 20, 2005 at 12:43 am
Filed Under Rants about Sports | 7 Comments |

Well, one week from right now, my annual pilgrimage to High Point, NC will be over. What takes me (and 11 other guys) there every year? Uh…well…it’s sort of, well, like, I guess, this kind-of…obsession we have…well, maybe that’s a strong word…but you know, some people have bowling, and other people have Harleys, and other people have scrapbooking, and, well, we have, uh…

Fantasy Football, baby!

I began the Armchair Football League in 1990; I was Commish of the league for, oh, 12 years, I guess, until I handed it off to others several years back. I admit: it’s a bit of a nutsy thing to drive hundreds of miles for a few hours of trying to figure out how much fantasy “money” (we do it all for pride, no money involved; we also have an engraved plaque, but that’s a long story) we should bid on Teyo Johnson. (If you know who Teyo Johnson is, then you play fantasy football. There is absolutely no other reason that can explain why you’d know who Teyo Johnson is…)

Anyway, it bites you, it really does. How bad does it bite you? Well, the way to tell a real, serious fantasy footballer from a mere wannabe involves a very simple test: if only one team can win a championship, your favorite NFL team, or your fantasy team, which one would you choose? I love the Broncos, and I love the Pittsburgh Steelers, and I’d dearly love to see one of them win the Super Bowl this year. But folks, my real loyalty lies with the Killer Bz. That’s my team, the one I intend to construct wisely next Friday evening.

It warps you, though, it really does, beyond the fact that the real fantasy footballer is more concerned with his fantasy team winning than his NFL team. It warps you when you watch the game, placing you in unbelievable conundrums. For instance, you’ve got your QB, Carson Palmer, going against the Steelers, your team. You want the Steelers to win…but you must root for a shootout, some kind of 38-34 deal where Palmer throws for 4 TD’s, but the Steelers pull it out.

It gets worse…

Suppose you are playing Palmer as your QB, but your fantasy defense is the Steelers? What do you root for in that scenario?

But it gets worse…

Suppose your opponent is playing Ben Roethlisberger and Jerome Bettis against you, while you’re playing Carson Palmer and the Steelers D. What do you do? You root for the Steelers to win in a high-scoring game, with the Steelers D accounting for at least 2 scores, and the Steelers fullback to get the TD carries instead of the Bus, or instead of Big Ben throwing for them.

But it gets even worse yet…

Suppose you are playing in two leagues (as I did for several years, and many guys do). You’re playing Carson Palmer in one league, and the guy who’s playing against you in the other league…starts Carson Palmer as his quarterback. This is where you have to determine one thing: which league do I care about winning the most? This is where you invest your emotional energy in such a conundrum. Next, you root for the other guys on your team to carry the load this particular week…unless you happen to be starting Priest Holmes at RB in the league where Carson Palmer is not your starting quarterback, and in the league where he is, your opponent is playing him against you.

At that point, you check yourself into rehab.